Weird Sex Laws in the USA – Pick of the Best

Weird sex laws in the USA are everywhere. With its history of religious fanatics going all the way back to the first settlers, you can understand why they want to take the fun out of everything.

Whether the weird sex laws in America were designed to oppress women, gay people, or transgender people, they seem to get roundly ignored. One of the best things we can do is sneer and deride these laws for the junk that they are.

We’ve done some investigating for your entertainment and have come up with 10 weird sex laws in the USA. Does your state make the cut?

Oral Sex Ban

There are 18 states in the USA that outlaw oral sex. Think about the level of homophobia that led to men to make blowjobs illegal just to make life harder for gay people…

Although the laws still sit on the books, they’re not actually legal anymore. Back in 2003, there was a Supreme Court rule in the case of Lawrence vs. Texas basically said that states can’t make laws about common, consensual, sexual acts.

No one’s too bothered about taking the laws of the books – no one can be charged with them anyways. If you want to know which states were on the wrong side of history on this one, check out our map with all the details.

Dildon’t

Life without sex toys doesn’t bear thinking about. Once you’ve experienced the orgasm from a Magic Wand or a simple bullet, your masturbation sessions won’t ever be the same.

Unless you’re in the state of Georgia. Sex toys are banned in the state. You need a medical prescription to be allowed to buy any sexual device in the state, similar to a law across the state line in Alabama. Nevada also has similar laws – yet what happens in Vegas…

Other countries also ban sex toys, like Vietnam – check out some international weird sex laws here.

Making it Hard

Every man knows how hard it can be to control his dick. Wind changes? Get hard. Smell a good burger? It’s semi territory. Life as a man in Indiana isn’t going to be easy.

Under their state indecency laws, it’s illegal to have a visibly erect penis in public. You don’t have to be swinging it around for all to see – even under cover of clothes a stiffy could get you a fine or even jail time.

Down boy.

Unadulterated

The idea of “try before you buy” is as relevant to cars as it is to your lifelong partner. Yet Michigan has an archaic weird sex law in the USA that says a man can’t “seduce or debauch” an unmarried woman.

This leaves some questions. Can he seduce a married woman? Why don’t we use the word debauch anymore? If you want to experiment debauching an unmarried Michigander, you’re risking up to five years in prison. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Elder Incest

Who can marry whom when it comes to family isn’t as set in stone as you might think. In the state of Ohio, as long as neither sibling is like a parent to the other and the sex is consenting between adults, incest is perfectly legal.

Meanwhile, over in Utah they have incest laws that aren’t quite so extreme. First cousins are allowed to get married if they’re over 65. That age decreases down to 55 if both parties can prove they’re infertile.

Put Your Hands Together

Or not, if you’re a teacher in the state of Tennessee. Back in 2012, a weird sex law in the USA was introduced that said to hold hands was “a gateway to sex”. Maybe in the same way drinking a glass of water is a gateway to drinking alcohol?

The law was a part of a whole abstinence sex education policy. Which are proven not to work, but that’s a whole other thing.

Twerk It

Who doesn’t love a bit of twerking? Bump and grind? Dancing like you’re giving head? Nope? I guess that last one’s just me then…

If you like to dance provocatively, avoid bars in Oklahoma. Under state law, a bar owner can’t allow:

“The performance by any person of acts, or simulated acts, of sexual intercourse, masturbation, sodomy, bestiality, oral copulation, flagellation, or any sexual acts which are otherwise prohibited by law.”

There goes a night on the town in Oklahoma City.

Flirting with the Law

Whatever your best chat up line is, put it away if you ever stumble into Haddon Township in New Jersey. Flirting is illegal, and they even went to some effort to define what flirting is, just to be sure.

You’re not allowed to approach another person in public and use:

• Words
• Signs
• Gestures

To entice someone into doing an indecent or unnatural act.

Spoilsports.

Clap Back

It’s not the most unusual thing to have had a dose of the clap at some point in your life. If that terminology isn’t familiar to you, we’re talking about venereal disease. Still drawing a blank? You’ll be shooting them if you’re not careful. We’re talking about sexually transmitted infections.

Over in the state of Nebraska you’re not allowed to get married if you’ve got VD. It actually seems pretty logical – who wants to answer the question, “how was your honeymoon?” with “now it burns when I pee.”

Number of the Beast

The act of having sex with animals is generally frowned upon, and in most countries around the world, it’s illegal. In the fine tradition of weird sex laws in the USA, there are some states that haven’t actually got around to outlawing bestiality.

Those states are:

• Hawaii
• New Mexico
• West Virginia
• Wyoming

And a surprising number of states only bought in bestiality laws within the 21^st century.