I don’t know exactly when blowjobs became popular but I do know they’re frowned upon and talked about less and less nowadays. While secretly every woman wishes she gives head that blow her partner’s head (pun intended) chances are she won’t admit it or talk about it with her friends. With the rise of the empowerment of the woman and all the feminist movements out there, blowjobs are somehow seen as degrading when in reality they can save your relationship, of course, as long as they come from both parties.
Blowjobs aren’t for the young and curious only
Being in a relationship for several years or married with children, you will notice how sex falls down on the priority list and blowjobs are nowhere to be seen. Oftentimes I hear women talking about giving head with utmost disgust and as something they’ve never done before.
“I’ve only done that when he insists, but I don’t enjoy it so I do it less and less now.”
“I only do it two to three times a year – birthday, New Year, anniversary, and it’s enough.”
“Oh, I never liked it. I stopped doing it years ago.”
“Blowjob? That’s so demeaning. I would never disrespect myself like that.”
Now, I don’t say everyone has to like it, but such vehement statements surprise me every time. Why is that demeaning if you’re doing it for someone you love. Someone that cares about you, makes you feel good and you know well. I understand how degrading it can be if you’ve done it in a bathroom stall of a club for the guy you just met and he walked away without returning the act, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong in giving head to someone you have feelings for.
A way to connect with your partner
Whether he’s the one on his knees or you, oral sex, just like any other type is a way of connecting with your partner. Just like good communication, traveling together, cooking, taking dance classes and so on, can create a special bond between the two of you, giving head happens to do the same. After all, when you’re close to someone, it’s hard to divide the physical from the emotional, and it has been stated in many sacred books and teachings that partners connect their auras by having sex. Seeing it as an intimate, beautiful act as it is, you see that there’s nothing degrading about giving head. It isn’t a way of your partner controlling you, it’s quite the opposite actually. Here’s how.
Actually, the one giving head is in control
If you think your partner is disrespecting you and controlling you by asking for a blowjob you are quite wrong. In fact, you are the one in control as he is completely open to you and whatever you do to him. He hopes for a good experience, relaxes and becomes vulnerable in his partner’s hands (well, mouth) and you’re in charge, with your self-respect intact. Same in the opposite situation. You completely relaxed, he is in charge of your pleasure. You are not looking to control or disrespect him in any way there, right?
But isn’t it dirty?
Your partner should always offer himself to you clean unless you’re ripping each other’s clothes and just want to get to it as quickly as possible. As for the other type of dirty as inappropriate and, ‘nice girls don’t do that’… oh yes honey, they do.
Every woman who is in contact with her own body knows a good sexual relationship (all-inclusive) is one of the important caveats in maintaining a strong connection with her partner. You see, genuine reciprocity in the bedroom between partners builds a very solid foundation. This is why if blowjobs or any other act isn’t your thing and you think you can never do it, then say that at the beginning of the relationship. Well, maybe not on the first date while drinking coffee or eating popcorn in the cinema, but say it as things get heated and you know your relationship will get to the other level. It’s better to be honest as it gives you more room to communicate and make compromise than blowing him half-heartedly once a year for his birthday and then passive-aggressively being mad at him for the next 4 hours.
How to start?
Glad you asked. You know how men’s best friend wakes up each morning before he does? Well, use that. Go down and wake him up with a blowjob. Trust me, that thing beats any alarm sound in the morning. Or, let things get heated for later. Call him at work and state your intentions. Don’t be shy to do it! Keep him guessing, do it well and he’ll come running back home expecting wonders.
When you’re in charge of blowing his head (well literally and otherwise), and if you two sync notice how his moaning and enjoyment fuel your passion too. At this point, it is genuinely possible for you to experience a spontaneous orgasm or be very close to it as well. That’s because of the intense pleasure he’s showing that will trigger arousal in you.
A final word of advice
As the first and general rule, take your time and don’t think you can give him head in a hurry. That’s not going to happen, as least not if you’ve never done it before or rarely do it.
Start by
caressing his inner thighs, licking the area before you get to the erection.
Let your cheek touch his erection from left to right, slowly play with your
tongue around his head and make him anticipate for your tongue and mouth. Lick and
kiss everywhere but there and then start blowing him. While doing it, pay
attention to his body. If he’s not a talker and doesn’t lead you in the act,
his body will tell you plenty. You will definitely know when you get it right
and when you don’t.
Speed up and then slow down, see how he reacts, and when you want him to finish
speed up and hold the same tempo, he will go nuts.
Lastly, play some music, have some wine beforehand and create a nice atmosphere not only for him but for you too. Remember, do it wholeheartedly or not at all.
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